Entries Tagged 'Humor' ↓

I’m tired of Al Gore telling me every move to make.
I’m tired of Obama telling me how much of my income he is going to take.

I’ve just about had my fill of crooked people like the Harry Reid’s.
I’m tired of Code Pink, the NY Times, and liberals and their unpatriotic deeds.

I know Nancy Pelosi could screw up a two car parade.
And I’m tired of the liberal media still pedaling their charade.

I’m tired of Arianna Huffington and John Kerry acting like they give a care.
They are proof positive you can be stupid and still be a billionaire.

I’m tired of Jesse Jackson keeping blacks at the end of a string.
I’m tired of liberal blogs who don’t understand one common sense thing.

I’m hoping Hollywood runs out of film and I am sick of everything on TV.
Everyone watches reality shows, except for me.

I’m tired of the Olympics already and France loving to ride a bike.
And I don’t give a care about what some actresses dress looks like.

It would really be nice if one rap singer could play three chords.
I’m fed up with celebrities and their ‘hand ourselves a trophy’ awards.

Barry Bonds hit a bunch of fake home runs.
And Brett Farve refuses to accept he’s done.

I would like to watch football without 24/7 coverage of TO.
I’m ready, willing and able to tell the Clintons where they can go.

I’d tell the terrorists where they will go and will pay their dues,
In a sane country, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon would always show up to boos.

I would destroy a liberal in a debate and prove that on everything - they are just wrong.
I would like to name every liberal that is a true traitor to the United States,

But the list is too long. - Hank Dagny

Hat tip to Tim Wilson for a few lines here and the inspiration for this post.

From an email I recently received.   I have no idea of its origin:

—————————

I remember the time that Kathryn, one of my daughter’s little friends, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Kathryn, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”

Kathryn replied, “I would give houses to all the homeless people.”

“Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Kathryn.” I told her,”You don’t have to wait until you are President to do that - you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5.00. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5.00 to use for a new house.”

Kathryn, who was about 4 years old, thought that over for a second, and then she replied, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop himself, and you can pay him the $5.00?”

“Welcome to the Republican Party, Kathryn”.

Rush reported that even the lights in the Pepsi Center are not enough for the DNC convention. The internet and telephone lines added to triple capacity are being donated by Big Communication. This is miles and miles of copper wire, folks - that all has to be strip mined - for use by the Democrats.

I don’t care, but I thought the Democrats did. Yeah, right. The same people telling us to change our lightbulbs to save the planet are burning electricity without concern at their little party. If the Democrats were not the complete hypocrites that they are, they would hold their convention by candle, sunlight and moonlight. But Democrats are exactly that - hypocrites.

I heard that Barack ‘KKK Not Proud of and God Damn America Disown Grandma Disown Crook Resko Disown Ayres Blow up Pentagon Disown Church of 20 years Flip flop on Iraq’ Hussein Obama’s plane had to make an unscheduled maintenance stop.

Better luck next time, Hillary, and who gets a lamp thrown at them for failing?

Just to be fair, the USA DNC Al Jazeera Today had an article with this headline - on page 5A naturally; “McCain vows to halt ‘wasteful spending’.

Just put that on the bottom of the bird cage with the Bush41 and Bush43 vows to halt wasteful spending. - Hank Dagny

Our thanks to Blonde Sagacity!

While repairing the hand of a 75-year-old rancher in Texas, the doctor and the patient got into a discussion about Barack

‘KKK Not Proud and God Damn America Disown Grandma Disown Church Disown Crook Resko Disown Blow Up Pentagon Ayres Appease Terrorists’

Hussein Obama, and his presidential run.

The rancher said, “You know Obama is a post turtle.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked what that was?

The rancher explained, “When you are driving down a country road and you see a turtle balanced on a fence post. That is a post turtle.

You know he didn’t get up there himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do when he is up there, and you just wonder what dumbasses put him up there in the first place?”

Ditto for McCain.

Are we surrounded by dumbasses - or is the voting public the dumb asses?

Look at what the Party Leaders gave us as Presidential candidates - two complete empty suits.

If you vote for either one of them, then you are part of the problem. You know they both are just awful. Deep down, you know it. – Hank Dagny

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Conservative.”

I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I’m still lost.

Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Liberal.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.

You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem.

You’re in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s MY fault.”

Toby Keith has a song called “It’s a Little Too Late”. The liberals are singng it louder than their biggest hit and best rendition of;

“All we are saaaaaaayyyyyinnnnnnng….is give peace a chance.”

I changed a couple words here and there, but basically this is the liberal media ode to the Czarina. It’s so…Clinton that she is not listening and it will be hysterical (sad at the same time) to watch these same liberals rally to her (whine from behind the wall) after she gets the nomination (goes up the stairs). You will get the parentheses after you see the video.

As hard as it is, picture Keith Olbermann as Toby Keith and the liberal media - and Hillary as that gorgeous brunette. To the tune of “It’s a Little Too Late” by Toby Keith:

[chorus]
“It’s a little too late.
We’re a little too gone.
A little too tired of this hangin’ on.
So we’re letting go while We’re still strong enough to.
It’s got a little too bad.
We’re a little too blue.
It’s a little too sad,
You were too bad to be true.
We’re big time over you baby,
It’s a little too late!

No we don’t want to want to talk about what we can do about us anymore.
Only time you ‘re wasting is the time it takes to walk right out that door.
Yeah talk about water under the bridge,
You should know by now girl that’s all this is!

It’s a little too late,
We’re a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on.
We’re letting go while we’re still strong enough to.
It’s got a little too sad,
We’re a little too blue.
It’s a little too sad,
You were too bad to be true.
We’re big time over you baby.
It’s a little too late.

There was a time,
this heart of ours,
would take you back every time,
don’t you know.
It’s been two many years of lies
a sleepless night,
a nervous wreck, for months now.
Now you ain’t got no business coming around!
We’re closing up shop,
Shutting you down!

[chorus]
– end of singing. Now speaking -

“Do you hear me? This is the only way baby doll. We are better off without you! Finally out from under the Clinton Machine! You got a big mouth, you know that? Adios, Senorita! Your husband was and still is a pain in the neck.”

Now this is what the liberal media says after she takes the nomination and they realize they went over the wall for Obama.

“Uh-oh. Wait a minute. Uh, Hillary? You know us and our fickleness, honey. We didn’t mean anything by it. We just sort of snapped for a minute. Hello? Can’t you take a joke, Madame President-to-be? Can we talk about this? We’ve had little fights like this. We can work it out, you know. We love you! You still there with us, sweetie? You know about our fickleness sweetie. Helloooooo? Damn! Helloooo? Anybody there?”

Then Hillary will let them sit for a while and stew before letting the liberal media out from behind the wall…to sit at her feet.

Don’t doubt me. – Hank Dagny

I’m back from vacation in Las Vegas, so I am still in that mode.

Let’s see. I am only going to grab big ones, knowing full well I am leaving a bunch out.

2004 - Tsunami in the Indian Ocean - 225,000 dead
2005 - Kashmir Earthquake in Asia - 80,400 dead
2006 - Mudslides - 1126 dead
2007 - Cyclone in Sidr - 1639 dead
2008 - Cyclone in Myanmar - 128,000 dead
2008 - Earthquake in China - 21,500 dead

Now I am just a graduate from the liberal public skool system, so my ‘gozintas’ may not be so good. You know, “4 gozinta 12 three times”.

But just looking at the very quick tally for the last six years, I see the score as:

Earth 457,665
Humans 0

We humans held our own a few years there, but then we obviously ran out of gas.
(Get it? Ran out of gas? Gas prices going up? Come on, it’s funny! It’s funny I said!)

If I was a betting man, from the trend I would have to say that for the next foreseeable future, the Earth looks like the heavy favorite to continue to increase the lead.

My handicapping of past games shows that the dinosaurs also lost their game with Earth by a huge margin.

Bet the Earth to win it all!

Unless you are a liberal, you will. - Hank Dagny

Via Boortz

Liberals, you think the country sucks now?

Sure there is an economic depression because the Bush tax cuts have added more money to the US treasury than any time in our nation’s history. They still have not been repealed in order to hurt the evil rich. After all, punishing ‘the rich’ is all that matters, right?

Your lazy, obese kids finish 16th in the world in standardized testing because – as we all know - $15,000 a student average cost is only double what the rest of the world pays per student - to kick our kid’s brains in. If we only spent $30,000 per child.

Everything you like to eat is bad for you – because some expert always tells you something is – every single week. Only granola and organic coffee for you.

There are two Americas; one full of illegal aliens who can get driver’s licenses so they can soak up welfare benefits easier than you can – and they vote – often multiple times. This is all good stuff for you, but some of them may still vote Republican – and that thought causes stress.

Gas prices continue to rise just to make Bush’s buddies rich – ruining your budget – and nobody will come up with a solar car that goes 100 mph, because they are bought off by ‘big oil’. But at least the caribou are safe.

Your house value is declining rapidly because people spent too much on their homes – including you – and the Federal government is only coming up with little fixes when you want your whole mortgage excused. Darn Republicans must be using mind control on Democrats in Congress.

ATM fees are too high. You figure why should you pay for a service?

The men are picking on the woman candidate. Chauvinism still exists in this pitiful nation.

The woman candidate has her hit men referring to the country’s savior as Hussein. Fear mongering of a religion that is only killing thousands of people a year and only attacked our country dozens of times, is still being used as a political weapon. Shameful!

Bill is attacking the ‘black’ guy. Racism is being used by our first black president.

The Earth is dying due to global warming while you are freezing to death or starving to death because heating oil is too expensive. At least as a liberal, you don’t have to explain this oxymoron to yourself because you don’t use logic or need common sense.

Food prices are skyrocketing world wide because of corn and rice shortages as we use them to make ethanol to feed the gas guzzling SUV caused energy crisis. Liberals preventing oil exploration and refining are no way at fault. It is all a plot by ‘big oil’. It is a good thing liberal candidates have promised to take the profits from ‘big oil’. We still won’t have gas or heating oil, but liberals will ‘feel’ better.

We are stuck in a civil war in Iraq and the world hates us. If only we had sacrificed Israel from the start and ignored 9/11 completely. We would not be at war and would only have to put up with a terrorist attack about once a week. At least we could keep talking and appeasing.

After all of this, a new report came out with yet another crisis. Our nation is running out of dirt! That’s right. Our mean old farmers are so beholding to “Big Food” that they are raping the planet’s topsoil!

What color ribbon will liberals come up with for this one? Is brown taken?

If the Clintons would just open their closets, there is enough dirt in there to fill in an ocean. I’m sure Congress has plenty of dirt hidden everywhere.

I can’t wait to see the signs: “Make Dirt – Not Ethanol”. Obviously the liberal’s next target is “Big Farmer” and “Big Ethanol”. Let’s be consistent here, liberals. A new crisis was born. Get protesting. – Hank Dagny